Tuesday, 15 September 2009

America's Next Top Model Season 12: Vegas Baby!

Vegas! Faux centurions! Mr Jay! Miz J! Squeeeeeeeee!

That's right bitches, the most gloriously demented of all the Top Models, the original and best is back. The anticipation of seeing how big Her High Priestess Of Fiiieeeerrrcccee! Miz Tyra's hair is is almost too much.

The premise for this opening menagerie is Greek Goddesses. Not content that the Ancient Greeks didn't have a Goddess of Fierce, HHPOF! has taken it upon herself to anoint herself as said Goddess of Fierce. See? Dementedly brilliant.

There's a lot of squealing and shrieking and crying as Mr Jay and Miz J try to tell the girls what they have to do. I love that they still look bemused at all the squeals.

Having shoved all the girls into skimpy faux goddess dresses, it's time for photos in profile which is slightly different to the usual I guess but unfortunately not really flattering to most of them.

Having gone through that with Mr Jay, it's on to walking with Miz J. Dry ice, catwalk. Brilliant. EXCEPT WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE NONE OF THEM PRACTISED WALKING?!?!?!? The rage at this simple omission makes me go all Kanye and I don't really like being that angry. I worry I might get an ulcer.

But no matter. It's time for the unveiling of HHPOF! And by goodness is she bringing the awesome. Gaze in AWE at how BIG her hair is!

There's more squealing and crying before they have to pull it together and go in to the interview.

The highlights being....

Celia is like Michelle from Season 4's sister!

London claims to be a street preacher but Mr Jay sees through her wacky act of crazy.

Tahlia has an amazing face and almost makes HHPOF! cry with her story of her burns. Well played to be there in her bikini but you can see Mr Jay mentally calculating the cost of retouching and make up.

Aminat is fierce. But this means she'll either go far or fade early.

So Angelea has a dead child, crazy ass nails and crazy ass fake hair. And slept in the freaking Port Authority for the call back??! That's a lot of back story right there which may just swing it for her or result in her coming back in a future season.

Allison has a very modelly face but she's a wee bit crazy what with her love for blood. Actually, she's probably not crazy but is trying hard to be kooky to make up for a lack of personality.

Which was the mistake Kathryn made with her pen collection. Which consisted of five pens. To be fair to her, while she struggled with naming working models, she knew her designers which seemed to make up a little bit for the pen insanity.

That's another thing that makes me go all Kanye - LEARN YOUR COMPETITION AND WHO YOU MIGHT BE WORKING FOR!!! It's not hard.

You have to give the producers credit for not letting little things like a lack of goddesses of stuff get in the way of a good photoshoot premise. Each of the girls had to embody the spirit of one of these goddesses with the usual mix of good and blah.

Meanwhile though, just off set, Angelea and Sandra were escalating their face off which culminated in the Best Insult Ever.

"Yeah well, you got ugly ass corns."

Pure poetry. But seriously, fighting on set does you no favours.

So. We get the final 13 and my personal top 3 are:

Allison - yes she may be pretending to be kooky but there's something very fabulous about her face.

Fo - very pretty and I love the freckles.

Aminat - Sassy, slinky, fierce.

Next week we have moving in dramas, first photoshoot dramas and more squealing.


LizSara said...

Ok so Aminat, they will relax her 'fro and realise she looks just like Danielle who won a few cycles ago. Yes 35 year old looks just like Michelle only thinner and older.

I love Fo too but i don't think Allison will make it far.

Heather said...

Omg I get so angry with the lack of walking practice too! WTF people, if u wanna be a model, let alone a top model, put some effort in!!