Tuesday, 29 September 2009

America's Next Top Model Season 12 Episode 3: Makeover Dramarama!

It is what should be, in my opinion, THE best and most important episode of the series.

Makeover Dramarama. Hair, tears, tantrums, Mr Jay holding back on the "Bitch, please!"

Eeee! Crazy Charlie's Angels/spy intro! Femmtalian? What IS that?! For Fierce Eyes Only? MI6 wish they were as fabulous as that.

Sandra's been bleached and looks a bit like Amber Rose.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO ALLISON??????? They turned her into a crazy ass Barbie.

Fo has been pixied and looks even more fabulous and storms to the top of my favourite list.

Celia starts crying but her new short do looks "fashion".

Aminat finds her afro weave being modelled as a shrug by Miz J - they can watch and learn from him hi-jinxing around. She's not best pleased though.

London has been Aggy'd

Natalie started crying and fussing and then NOTHING happened to her which prompted a bit of jealousy.

Mainly from Fo who keeps crying. Oh Fo, this is not attractive honey. Stop it.

Jessica is so full of herself that a fall is not far away.....

Anyway so the first Cover Girl challenge to go out onto the mean streets of NYC in teams to get girls to buy into the Cover Girl thing and model for them.

Team 1 consisting of Celia, Aminat and Sandra won even though Sandra hardly said anything.

"Keep it cute or keep it on mute" - Fabulous. Love Aminat.

On to the photoshoot then with.... NIGEL!!!!! Noted Fashion Photographer and The Sex!

So the shoot is about finding the light with a bit of a rock chic edge with the girls directing themselves and holding their own lights. Which should be interesting.

Nijah was dead in the eyes.

Celia started upstaging Aminat. Kortnie failed a wee bit and on the whole completely underwhelmed Nigel.

London and Teyona pulled it off. Fo is being intimidated by her hair. LET IT GO!

Nolé Marin is back!!! LOVE it! But.... could maybe.... Janice... No, don't think about it... you'll only be disappointed.

Fo is up first and HHPOF! brings back the point that if a girl gets her hair lopped off, it's because she has great bone structure. Her picture was good though her attitude was a big turn off.

Nijah looked awful and wasn't SMILING WITH HER EYES! Seriously, has she NEVER seen ANTM before?!? HHPOF! commented it was almost like she'd never heard it before and seemed a bit disgusted at the failure to follow what should surely be the first thing you ever learn.

Allison - fabulous. Nolé loved her. I love her.

Sandra lacked tension. Which prompted a lesson in tension from HHPOF! These little lessons are priceless. Suck up the knowledge.

Celia is FIIIIEEEEERRRRRCCCCEEEEE! She's like a less fabulous Lel.

Jessica looked wrong in her picture - almost ugly and non novella as Nolé put it.

Natalie is wearing doilies according to Nolé who rounds on all of them for having no fashion sense whatsoever. Luckily her picture is great though.

HHPOF! is not happy with Teyona's hair but loved her picture. I'm not entirely sure why. It didn't look that great to me.

Aminat looked broken and didn't light herself properly at all.

Best picture of the week is Teyona.

Then Celia.

Then Allison.

Bottom two..... Fo (NO!) and Jessica.

Fo's tears have proven her downfall rather than her photo whereas Jessica isn't bringing the pretty to the photos and gets sent home.

HHPOF! drills into Fo that short means fabulous face.

So what have we learnt? That Makeover is less dramz filled than it used to be which sucks and that Nolé should be back for good. Possibly with Take That serenading him. He'd love that.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

NES Recommends.... Emu Boots

When the very lovely people at Fitness Footwear sent me a very lovely email asking if I'd like a pair of Emu boots, I was worried at first that they were a) psychic or b) stalking me as not two days before, I had been very seriously contemplating buying a pair.

Luckily they saved me the hassle and a pair of Bronte boots (the high Chestnut style) were duly sent to me the day after.

And I've hardly taken them off since. It really is like walking around with your own personal carpet and they are neither too hot or too cold.

Emu boots also seem a lot studier than their flashier counterpart, Uggs and at half the price, they make a very attractive alternative.

I would recommend going up a size as they are fairly snug fitting but that just makes them all the more wearable, especially now winter is making its move.

Emu boots from Fitness Footwear start at £69.95 with free UK shipping

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Shoe Of The Day: 'Lana' by KG Kurt Geiger

Glamorous flats have been sneaking their way in over the past couple of years as a perfectly viable evening option and when you get pretties like these, it's easy to see why.

Capturing all the glitz of something you might see on a heel - the oversize sparkle, the peep toe, the colour - but in the practical and (whisper it!) comfort of a flat, they suddenly become a lot more value for money when you consider they can be dressed up or down. And at £110, you want as good a Cost Per Wear as you can get!

Lana by KG by Kurt Geiger, £110 at Kurt Geiger

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Shoe Of The Day: Stella McCartney Pierced Over The Knee Boot

If I were a million foot tall, with legs up to the moon, I would so be stalking around in these babies. The whys and wherefores speak for themselves. Regardez.

They are simply the sex.

Stella McCartney OTK Pierced Boots, $1595 at Neiman Marcus

America's Next Top Model Season 12: Moving Dramz And The First Proper Shoot

The one thing that strikes you first about this season of ANTM, is HHPOF! Miz Tyra's jiggling bosom. It is immense and all kinds of hypnotic... maybe that's the secret of her Inner Fierce?

Anyway, here we are, moving day in N Y Freaking C. Obviously there's LOADS of squealing and shots of Times Square just in case you forget where you are and to further push the point home, the girls are sent to the Empire State Building.

According to Kortnie, the Empire State Building is like 80 floors high or something which she knew from her ears popping. Bless her!

At the top is the best present ever - Noted Fashion Photographer (TM) and Generally Quite Easy On The Eye Nigel Barker! And Paulina Poritzkova with bad make up!

Celia/Michelle Off Of Season 4 gets the keys to the house and her choice of bed. The hosue is lovely and as always is decorated with the prerequisite photos of HHPOF! and the past winners, as well as having it's own catwalk which will be criminally underused.

Sandra is clearly angling for the bitch role of this series. Which isn't doing her any favours. Except she can count and has discovered there's only 12 beds but 13 girls. Quelle horreur et surprise. You know what that means - Who. Will. Be. Eliminated. To-NIGHT-AH?

So Isabella is our resident living with illness (in this case epilepsy) girl. And now we're all sharing issues. Blah. Get back to fighting bitches.

London, she ain't dim - you know something's going to happen when you see Mr and Miz J?! No way!

So up they go for their first runway. And there's strobe lighting. Do you know what that means for Poor Isabella?! She might DIE! Or y'know, just have a fit or actually be just fine with it. What it means for the rest of us we have to endure some really awful walking.

Tahlia wasn't happy with being covered up and stomped up and down like a donkey.

Sandra only got halfway down, did a crazy weird leg kick back and wandered off again, leaving the judges all kinds of surprised.

The rest were just meh. I'm going to say it again, if you're going to try out for ANTM, for the love of fierce, practice your walking!!!!

MR JAY LOOKS FREAKING AWESOME in his weird lil superhero outfit! If all workout outfits were like his, I would consider actual exercise.

Anyway, the theme of the shoot is good girls retaining their innocence in a world where girls grow up too fast or some such Worthy Cause Close To Tyra's Heart. Christian Marc and Sutan are back in hair and makeup - love them two. Their eye rolling is beyond compare

There's no one outstanding during the shoot but then no one who seems totally awful either.

As an aside, thank goodness they got rid of that awful scrolling Tyra Mail nonsense.

Judging! (A brief rundown)

Rules to own your inner fierceness? AMAZING

Celia gets a snap for her weird ass top thing.

London looks fab in her photo.

Paulina's hair is MASSIVE

Jessica has a wonky eye.

Allison looks cute - she's like a doll.

Natalie proved why those stupid hairbands should be banned (ahaha!)

Nigel again proves the voice of reason and reins in TyTy's crusade for Tahlia - her photo was only ok.

And best photo of the week is.... Allison! Yay! Love her!

Bottom two - Isabella and Sandra..... ain't so cocky now are you bee-yatch? HHPOF! tries to crank up some tension but it's fairly obvious that....

.... Isabella goes home. She was too nice and unnoticable.

Next week..... MAKE OVER DRAMZ!!!!

Monday, 21 September 2009

Fugly Shoe Of The Day: Silly by Carvela

Well, at least they got the name right.....

I'm not entirely sure why Carvela thought this would be a good idea. Who on earth would think "Ooh let's take a non-descript man shoe boot and put a heel on it for the ladies!" and then have the cheek to charge £120 for it?!?!

Heathens, that's who.

Friday, 18 September 2009

Shoe Of The Day

Well again, it's a boot rather than a shoe but when I saw these in Office yesterday, my heart soared and my hand reached for my purse.

Until I saw the £110 price tag. Then I sighed and almost cried. So why are they awesome? Well for a start, black leather and studs are nothing if not, for me, an eternal staple. And they look a bit piratey and everyone knows pirates are awesome. The fact that they're flat and can be dressed as sexy or as casual as you please also helps.

Hm, maybe that £110 could be justified after all (though as always, all donations are gratefully received!)

Catraz leather boot, £110 at Office

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Shoe Of The Day (And NES' Latest Purchase!)

My only problem with Red Herring shoes is that there's so many that I like and they're so affordable, that I am always in severe danger of buying them all. Which is why I wasted The Hairy Drummer's lunch hour the other day making him help me decide which one pair to buy.

In hindsight, these were a complete no brainer for me. Red? Check. M-J strap? Check. Bow in contrasting fabric? Check. Cute polka dot interior? Check. Almost all the things I love in one shoe? Check. Less than £30? Check.

I also like that they're cute enough to be casual but not so cute that you couldn't wear them for work.

Red suede bow court shoe, £25 by Red Herring at Debenhams

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Embracing My Eternal Inner Angela Chase

It is no secret that My So-Called Life was the best TV program ever. It is also no secret that when I was 14, Angela Chase was my, and most of my friends, ultimate hero. A lot of us went through the ritual of dying our hair pillar box red (a habit I haven't quite got out of sometimes), finding our own Jordan Catalano's to mooch over and of course matching our wardrobes to a hybrid of those of Angela and Rayanne.

So obviously, I felt very old when I wandered into H&M the other day and realised that almost everything in there would've been something I'd have bought at that crucial time in my life. Then I had a crisis. These are clothes that I would still buy and yes, while I wouldn't go for the whole look now, would I look like I was tragically trying to recapture my youth?

The key now is to make it a bit more grown up but to never lose the essence of what it was to be a gawky, awkward teenager. Because let's face it, how many of us have any more of a clue now than then?

Shoe Of The Day

Ted Baker isn't a place I'd normally associate with wantable shoes but they have drawn me in a bit with these Hania heels.

They're a fairly standard shape but the beauty comes from the rolled bow at the back and the rounded point. I prefer them in the pink/purple combo but they do come in black too which I guess is a little more versatile.

Ted Baker Hania courts, £90 at ASOS

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

America's Next Top Model Season 12: Vegas Baby!

Vegas! Faux centurions! Mr Jay! Miz J! Squeeeeeeeee!

That's right bitches, the most gloriously demented of all the Top Models, the original and best is back. The anticipation of seeing how big Her High Priestess Of Fiiieeeerrrcccee! Miz Tyra's hair is is almost too much.

The premise for this opening menagerie is Greek Goddesses. Not content that the Ancient Greeks didn't have a Goddess of Fierce, HHPOF! has taken it upon herself to anoint herself as said Goddess of Fierce. See? Dementedly brilliant.

There's a lot of squealing and shrieking and crying as Mr Jay and Miz J try to tell the girls what they have to do. I love that they still look bemused at all the squeals.

Having shoved all the girls into skimpy faux goddess dresses, it's time for photos in profile which is slightly different to the usual I guess but unfortunately not really flattering to most of them.

Having gone through that with Mr Jay, it's on to walking with Miz J. Dry ice, catwalk. Brilliant. EXCEPT WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE NONE OF THEM PRACTISED WALKING?!?!?!? The rage at this simple omission makes me go all Kanye and I don't really like being that angry. I worry I might get an ulcer.

But no matter. It's time for the unveiling of HHPOF! And by goodness is she bringing the awesome. Gaze in AWE at how BIG her hair is!

There's more squealing and crying before they have to pull it together and go in to the interview.

The highlights being....

Celia is like Michelle from Season 4's sister!

London claims to be a street preacher but Mr Jay sees through her wacky act of crazy.

Tahlia has an amazing face and almost makes HHPOF! cry with her story of her burns. Well played to be there in her bikini but you can see Mr Jay mentally calculating the cost of retouching and make up.

Aminat is fierce. But this means she'll either go far or fade early.

So Angelea has a dead child, crazy ass nails and crazy ass fake hair. And slept in the freaking Port Authority for the call back??! That's a lot of back story right there which may just swing it for her or result in her coming back in a future season.

Allison has a very modelly face but she's a wee bit crazy what with her love for blood. Actually, she's probably not crazy but is trying hard to be kooky to make up for a lack of personality.

Which was the mistake Kathryn made with her pen collection. Which consisted of five pens. To be fair to her, while she struggled with naming working models, she knew her designers which seemed to make up a little bit for the pen insanity.

That's another thing that makes me go all Kanye - LEARN YOUR COMPETITION AND WHO YOU MIGHT BE WORKING FOR!!! It's not hard.

You have to give the producers credit for not letting little things like a lack of goddesses of stuff get in the way of a good photoshoot premise. Each of the girls had to embody the spirit of one of these goddesses with the usual mix of good and blah.

Meanwhile though, just off set, Angelea and Sandra were escalating their face off which culminated in the Best Insult Ever.

"Yeah well, you got ugly ass corns."

Pure poetry. But seriously, fighting on set does you no favours.

So. We get the final 13 and my personal top 3 are:

Allison - yes she may be pretending to be kooky but there's something very fabulous about her face.

Fo - very pretty and I love the freckles.

Aminat - Sassy, slinky, fierce.

Next week we have moving in dramas, first photoshoot dramas and more squealing.

Shoe Of The Day

It's been too long since I've indulged in some Louboutin Love. Alors, behold these lovely almost shoe boots.The 1920s styling could give the impression of being a bit unworkable but I reckon they could be worn with a multitude of outfits - trousers, jeans, skirts, dresses.

Which is a good job really as they do cost £620 so you'd want to get your money's worth really.

Christian Louboutin Esoteri 120, £620 at Net A Porter

Monday, 14 September 2009


Oh it's on bitches! America's Next Top Model is back tonight and as always, I'll be bringing you my thoughts and observations. From my mum's house...

ANTM will be returning here to Never Enough Shoes as Watch With Lel And Sel is on hiatus until I move back into a house with a gazillion channels and Lel finds some spare time in between learning medical stuff.

Be sure to let me know what you think during the show on Twitter (@NeverEnoughShoe)!

You stay FIERCE readers!

NES x x x