Thursday, 8 January 2009

What The Fug?! Hippy Headbands

Dear readers, I am confused and a little distressed. There seems to be a plague of plaited, twisted coils of fabric attaching themselves to the foreheads of the nation's Living On The Edge/The Hills wannabes. Or drama/art students if you will. What's going on? Why has this happened?

I can only surmise that for some inexplicable reason they have been hypnotised by Mischa Barton, possibly by the very use of these headbands, into constricting the blood flow to their heads and further filling them with air.

I can't say specifically why I dislike them. I think it might be because they are combined with that Uggs, leggings, baggy tee, scraggly badly highlighted hair look that is sweeping the land like some kind of zombie virus and I am definitely not a fan of this look. For the last time, you look lazy and sloppy, leggings make you look fat and combined with Uggs make you look fat AND short. You're not a dwarf or a troll so stop trying to look like one.


Regardez the triumverate of fug below. Let's start logically, left to right.

Ashlee Simpson. Would you really want people to associate your look with a woman who sanitised, and therefore eradicated, her very attractive look with a nose job, got knocked up by King of the Emoboys, and then allowed resultant offspring to be called Bronx Mowgli?!?!!? I think it's fair to say that you wouldn't.

Vanessa Hudgens. Over the hill in Disney terms but where to now? More "risque" photos? More being overlooked in favour of your pretty boyfriend? True, she's an icon to millions of pre-teens, tweens and teens but again, do you want your look to say "My mum still takes me to school?"

Mischa Barton. Let's face it - once Coop died, The OC* got good again. Taylor was a far superior character (and Autumn Reeser an actress) and better suited to Ryan. And Summer was allowed all the attention she should have been getting before - she always had the best outfits. But no matter for it's post-OC that Barton suddenly believed the hype surrounding the show that she was a style icon for a generation. No. Not only did she propagate the leggings debacle, she decided that headbands were so rad (you know she says rad and in a totally unironic way), that she wore them constantly until someone gave in and agreed to a collaborative design range (no, thank YOU Stacey Lapidus...) by some kind of spell or threatening to drive them somewhere. Apparently she is still in acting as a profession though the only example of this I have any evidence of so far is a DVD of some film with that other bit of wood Hayden Christensen (please part from him lovely Rachel Bilson and go back to being cute again!) that looked like some kind of sub-Troy concoction. Do you want your look to remind people of all this??

I'm hoping this fad is a momentary blip, a wistful yearning for summer months during this bleakest of midwinters. It best be anyway otherwise I may not be held repsonsible for my actions when I go out with my scissors and start freeing people from their head shackles.

* Oddly enough while I was writing this, the theme tune to The OC was played on the radio. How serendipitous!