Tuesday, 7 October 2008

America's Next Top Model: Hair Cut-A-Rama-Drama

Episode 3 - The Makeover - home to tears, tantrums and weaves. Before we got to that though we had to endure some bizarre fighting between Fatima and Allison which included fat calling, anorexia and dolls. It was tedious. Allison fancies herself as being the winner seeing as she's the one with the most experience. Umhm. If you were that good, would you need to be on a competition show that doesn't necessarily translate to you being a high fashion model? Huh?

Anyway, after a tortuous reading of the new scrolling Tyra Mails (what is that about? I'm guessing it's to represent Times Square? Scroll it faster though dammit - they read it like 5 year olds), the high camp fun of makeovers occurred.

According to Mr and Miz Jay, HHPOF! Miz Tyra was being so secretive that even they didn't know what was going on. HHPOF! Miz Tyra slunk out and revealed that she wasn't going to tell ANYONE what was going to happen to them. It was all going to be a SURPRISE!!

Then came the moment of demented genius - with each girl, HHPOF! Miz Tyra popped up in the bottom of your screen in a cartoon TV to explain what was going to happen to them. The fact she felt the need to imitate them made it all the more surreally fabulous. Seriously, this woman knows no bounds when it comes to crazy fabulousity.

There was disappointingly nothing shocking, everyone was happy, even Fatima after she got through the pain of having a weave. I want - nay, DEMAND! - drama from makeover episodes. Sort it out please.

So on to the proper photoshoot, out on a boat so that NY-freaking-C could be the backdrop. And who was on the boat? Why, the very lovely Elle MacPherson and a collection of her pretty lingerie. I actually rather like Elle's Intimates and have purchased several sets and on the evidence of her appearance here, she seems a very lovely lady indeed.

With Mr Jay and Elle encouraging the girls on, there was some actual good modelling happening. Until Allison. Bless her heart. She'd been practising very hard indeed and it showed. Stiff, awkward and unable to take direction. That she then thought she'd done brilliantly probably should've set the alarm bells ringing.

Along came judging. Meh, meh, meh. Overall the pictures were good but the standout shots came from Lauren and Marvita, which the judges duly noted. There was some discomfort for Miz Jay and Nigel when Tyra made them feel her ass. The shock and slight disgust on both their faces was slyly kept in the edit.

In the end it came down to Dominique (who George Holz, the photographer, had thought was someone's soccer mom) and our favourite confident bitch Allison. Allison got the boot thanks to Dominique having been given the wrong hair colour and her inability to say Thank You which immediately riled Nigel. Don't rile Nigel, it disturbs his pretty and that's not good.

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